Toronto… Canada’s Los Angeles of sprawl. Its London of diversity. Its Seattle of real estate prices. Its San Francisco of bizarre political governance. Its Singapore of Chinese money laundering.

The post Toronto in a Nutshell appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The post Dogbert Explains Stock Investing appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The post #currentmood appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The post Could You Survive… appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought – Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short…

The post Alerts to Threats in 2013 Europe by John Cleese appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The post Made Me Laugh appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The celts believed so strongly in an afterlife that you could borrow money from them and offer to pay them back in the afterlife.

The post Celtic Debt Repayment Plan appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

Source: Daily Mail

The post Budget Cuts Lead to Animal Exploitation appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The post Money Flower appeared first on Phantasmix.com.

The Greeks had destroyed Persia, Troy, Egypt, Syria, Phoenicia, Babylon, Bactria… It’s the European Union’s turn.

It’s a joke, so don’t read too much into it. Obviously, when they “destroyed” those other countries/empires, they had, in fact, conquered them. Much different from what’s happening now.

The post Greece, A Joke appeared first on Phantasmix.com.